Holton Days

I woke up this morning with a sore neck...and felt very tired. I made my way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, and flipped thru channels on the tv in hopes to find something on that would make me interested and help me to wake up. No such luck...I decided that since I had no where to go that I was committed to, I would just go back to bed for a while, and maybe when I woke up I would actually have felt well rested. Well, 3 hours later I awoke..It was now 11:00a.m. I had to look twice at the alarm clock because I couldn't believe I slept that long..Well, the good news was that I felt better, the bad is that my morning was gone. I had hoped to make it to the pancake breakfast at the church. Regardless, I showered and ate some oatmeal and made my way to the community center to see how things were going. I had a nice time visiting some folks from Holton, and had a nice little lunch, and watched the parade. During the parade I couldn't help but wish my grandkids were there. They would have loved it. Lots of candy was being thrown... They also had a lot of kids activities...I'll have to have them over next year for this event. After the parade, Jerry and I made our way down town to check out the rest of the activities..we made it to the craft show section. I bought Mindy a bookmark, and Kari and Mindy's little girls (not yet born) a rattle. Jerry and I made it to about the 4th tent with crafts and I had an instant headache...no warning signs at all..there I stood enjoy Hanks talent (man from our church) he makes beautiful baskets.. and the left side of my head felt stabbing pain. I told Hank I thought I needed to sit down, and he graciously gave me his chair and a cup of water.. The pain continued and I felt a bit dizzy so Hank got Jerry who meandered his way to the next display...Jerry asked if I needed to go home, and of course I said yes. Hank let us borrow his van, and off we went. I climbed into bed and took my pain meds, which I did not take in the morning because I would like to see if I'm getting better or not..and the pain meds would just be covering whatever is going on in my neck. At this point I was ready for the medicine. I slept for 3 hours. I awoke at 6pm... My afternoon gone. Bummer. I got up and made a bagel with cream cheese and watched hgtv for a while. Then I did a bit of laundry and picked up the house a little. I felt pretty good. No headache no pain in the neck. I then took a shower because I felt sweaty, then grabbed a book I have been wanting to read.."Next Door Savior" and climbed back into bed, where I am at presently. I read a few chapters and then felt the need to call Ashley. I felt I needed to just humble myself and be in relationship with her. When I called Ricci answered and went to get her..then I heard a staticey noice and we were disconnected. Well, unsure if she had just hung up or we just had a bad connection I tried to call back and got his answer machine. I'm assuming Ashley hung up. Well, I'll leave that to God as usual. It is so hard for me to be out of relationship with my kids. Even though they are adults. I feel ok about Brett, (although I wish I made more effort to be in touch) I feel distant with Mindy (but have felt that way for years, I think it's just our personalities) I feel close to Kari (she is so good at staying in touch, and seems like she really loves us, I need to get better at showing her my love) Then there's Ashley...I don't know what I quite feel right now..and Josh...and just pray he is ok. I don't know where he is, but Amanda knows and she said she is friends with him now.
I don't like who I see in the mirror lately. I find it so difficult to maintain friendships and family relationships. I'm feeling very sad right now. I have a deep sense of failure right now. I'm sure this feeling won't last long...I'm just being honest with how I feel for now. I hear Jerry shutting down the livingroom and locking doors, so I know it's time for bed. That means time to end these thoughts which may be a good thing. I hope the morning feels better than this night time. I look forward to being with my church family in the morning...and in corporate worship to God. I sure do NEED God in my life. Good nite.