Time flies. We had Thanksgiving at Mindy and Mike's home. The food and fellowship was especially sweet this year. I miss our Adult kids. They are so amazing to me! So glad they are my family.
I've been battling with some health issues these past few months. Lump in breast, fibroid in uterus, 2 ruptured discs, lump in thyroid. So far I have had a D&C , along with some exploratory surgery. I am still in physical therapy for my back.. I had a biopsy on my thyroid, it hurt far more than I expected after talking to the nurse the morning of... and my mamogram is on Dec 3rd I think. Then there will be follow-up appts. Not sure what all those dates are or will be.
I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster ride. Some days I have tons of energy and very upbeat, the next day I feel like I could sleep for days, my body sore and heart weary. I go thru depression. I usually tend to blame the weather on my weary days. Not really sure what is going on.
I wonder what it feels like to be balanced. I mean really balanced. It's hard to plan anything with my health..mental and physical. I'm scared to death to set up appt's with people in fear that I will need to back out. I hate letting people down.
The last few months have been very trying...I can't help but wonder about cancer. And when I've been low emotionally I have hoped for cancer that would take me fast. I know that is very honest and raw... and it is depression talking. I'm not making plans if any of you are wondering. I wonder how many 0ther people feel like me... none of us really know the amount of energy the other has.
Personal Prayer:
God please help me...give me strength to make a difference in someone's life today that would bring you glory. I want to be more like you and less like me...Help me to hear you...my heart aches for the lost, and yet I feel paralyzed to make a difference lately. I hate the fact that my flesh wins and my spirit looses especially when I am so tired. When you were praying in the garden and had a few of the disciples with you, and they fell asleep...I can identify with them. I feel like these are the last days, and I just can't stay awake. I long to give you all I am and share your love with anyone who will listen, yet I end up doing something that pleases the flesh...it could be sleeping, cleaning, reading, phone, computer....I know I can't earn my way to heaven, but I don't want to feel ashamed either. Could my imbalance be like a thorn was for Paul...I need to rely on your Grace to be sufficient. No matter how I feel. As for the wondering about cancer lately..no matter what the results are I know my furver for you will never change...I will pray for healing, or I will thank you for good results. Bottom line is it's all about you. When I feel like giving up on life, because of its burdens...I need to remember your perfect plan. Use me Lord in spite of my flesh. I hate my flesh. Change me, mold me into your likeness. As painful as it is...I know that you have my best interest at heart. Your Word says that when i am weak, then I am strong... I've seen you use my weaknesses, and it is humbling...My pride is so ugly! You hate pride. You've got my attention Lord. Please help me to listen to you Holy Spirit.
Give me the words to share at WOW.. and get me out of the way. Bless our praise team..may we be one. May our congregation reach out to the lost in huge miraculous ways. What would it be like if everyone in our church could reach just one soul.. it's possible...I know it is. Then once that happens it would be contagious... Lord use us. May we all be integrous, and authentic, and generous and compassionate... I love you. Good nite.
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