I had a great time at our last WOW gathering for this year. At the end it was mixed with some sadness because I'll miss the kids. But I know God willing they will come back next year.
More sadness tonite as Josh called to inform me that the last time he was with us at Lukes birthday party, because he chose to stay out beyond curfew he was kicked out of the mission.. so he said he has been sleeping outside for 3 nites. Steve let him come over and shower. This just breaks my heart..no words to describe how I feel..I just ache for him... He still doesn't see how he needs to follow the rules.. he just thinks he will be able to manuever people to get what he wants at the time. I don't know why is determining his decisions..Mental illness or just poor choices. My heart really aches deeply when I think its mental illness.. then when I think it is just him making poor choices it makes me wonder when he'll get it.
With all that I am tonite, I am fighting the phone so that I will not call him and have him come home. I know he needs to learn, and if he needs meds, this may all be part of him coming to that conclusion. (Bi-polar) Oh Lord please help my heart! I can't stand this deep pain I feel tonight..It feels overwhelming! I'm trying to hang on to you in this storm.. its so dark, and my hand keeps slipping away from yours..like it's all wet..but then you reach back and grab mine.. Help me God.. Please help me. Watch over my son.. I love him soo much and I feel so sad for him!!!
I consider myself to be a passionate person. My first love Jesus, then my family. I love to laugh, and make others laugh. I enjoy art in a variety of forms. I'm madly in love with this guy named Jerry. I like change, and appreciate beauty in people, places and things.
1 comment:
Dear Claudia: I don't know if you remember me but I knew you and Jerry when you were in Hartford. Marcia Reed, Hoke now. My husband and I were traveling home from a long weekend at Burt Lake and I thought about you and Jerry. I read a little of your blog and wanted to wish you well and to add my prayers for your swift return to health. My daughter Kristen is struggling with thyroid issues, unresponsive Grave's Disease, now. I just wanted to send a short note and to say that you are as beautiful as I remember and I'll keep you and your family in prayer. My email is mhoke1949@gmail.com. Blessings, Marcia
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