2am..can't sleep..body tired...mind racing. Had Charly for a couple of days..great blessing. On the way home Jerry and I stopped at Ashley's house. A God thing.. She was home and we had a wonderful half hour visit. Much was talked about..we left knowing that God is at work in her life. I should be praying since my mind is so active.
I need something to pour my heart into. A mission..a cause..something that only God can do thru me. I long for an adventure. Excitement.. total dependance on God...I really believe He is at work in my life..and that He is preparing me for something..I just don't know what that something is yet.
I want to be done with this cancer, and yet at the same time God is teaching me things thru it. He seems to use every crumb of my life to show me my need for Him. I am nothing without Christ. I'm studying the book of Romans right now...whoa..a book I could spend a year on...easily... I wish my memory was better and my ability to absorb information. Low thyroid doesn't help this condition. I want to know Jesus in a deeper way.. with each breath I take I want to remember it comes from HIM. He is the life giver..He is the way, the truth and the Life.
I really hate the flesh of Claudia, but I love the Spirit of Christ within me. I wish I had more energy and discipline to start a woman's bible study, and a prayer meeting. I've been thinking of this for quite some time. Tuesday nites come to mind.
The Lord has impressed upon me the NEED for prayer in our church. It must be the foundation! I also know it's time to teach and grow with other women in Christ. Hoping I will feel much better after my radio active iodine treatment for thyroid cancer..i understand It could takes months to get the right amount of thyroid med balanced..I'm praying It won't take long at all... Once I have this done, I'm hoping I will feel better than i have in years..and it's possible I may..after all not sure how long this cancer has been hanging out and causing havoc in my body.. In the name and blood of Jesus Cancer you are cast out! Jesus said, "By my stripes, you are healed" I thank you Lord for your healing. Your definition of healing. Thank you for giving my doctor wisdom and skill. I ultimately trust you for everything.
To those of you reading this..I often launch into prayer when I write.. The funny part is I know no one will probably read this. LOL.. I don't care anyway..this is my life and heart of expression..whether anyone approves or not.. this is me.
I just want to feel Jesus hug me..but before that I want to tell thousands of people that Christ died for them and loves them.. He wants a relationship with them..He does not want for them to go to Hell..He made a way thru his life and death and resurrection....all we need to do is accept what He did and live for him..It's not easy because our ugly flesh steps in, but it He is so worth living for..and fulfilling what he calls us to do... Oh that I may not be ashamed of myself when I see my Lord and Savior in front of me..I think I would if I died today..I want to tell so many more people about Him..I know I could do soooo much more.. Gotta get off this landing pad and fly.. gotta get uncomfortable....I know I'm getting closer..I can feel it in my spirit... Be free Claudia...be all that Jesus has intended for you to be..